Fear is real, and many (most?) of us live in it too often and too much. I’ve heard fear described many different ways via acronyms. Here are some of my favourites:
1.Face Everything And Rise
2. Face Everything And Respond
3. Face Everything And Recover
4. For Everything A Reason
5. Forget Everything And Run
6. False Expectations Appearing Real
7. False Experiences Appearing Real
8. False Evidence Appearing Real
9. Forgetting Everything About Reality
10. Future Events Already Ruined
11. Failure Expected And Received
Some of these suggest what happens when we give in to fear. Some suggest how we overcome it. I think we can learn from both. Even though I don’t like to focus on the less-positive elements of fear, I think parsing each acronym can help us to understand what we should be trying to do, and what we should try to avoid.
Perhaps my favourite of these is “False Expectations Appearing Real.” Maybe that’s because expectations are something I have struggled with most of my life, and they have been at the heart of the matter each time I have suffered. Expectations, I was taught many years ago, are nothing more than a “Resentment in waiting.” How true that is.
Why Does My Brain Always Assume the Worst?
Not everyone suffers from this condition, but I do. I know many others who do as well. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy calls it “Awfulizing” and “Catastrophizing,” or “Jumping to Conclusions.” It takes many different forms, but generally speaking it looks pretty much like this:
“It looks bad. Really bad. I just know the worst is going to happen. It’s all going to fall apart, collapse, and I’ll be left with nothing/alone/destitute/etc.” And what am I afraid of? Really just one of two things:
1.I am going to lose something I have but don’t want to lose; or
2. I am going to get something that I don’t want
Can you identify? I’m sure many of you can. Fear is a soul-killer, and occupies my mind with a future that doesn’t even exist. I mean, think about that, the future doesn’t exist. It isn’t a thing. The past exists. We have the present, but the future? It isn’t real. So why live there? Why overthink it? Why do we do that? All we have is an ever-present now to focus on, but we miss its beauty and grandeur because we worry about things that will most likely never come to pass.
True story, right? I mean, out of all the things that you have really been afraid of, which one(s) turned out the way your fear said it/they would? Not many, right? And of the fears that did become reality, how many were as bad as you thought the would be. Not many, right?
So, the key to avoiding suffering due to excessive fear is Mindfulness. Staying present, in the here-and-now, to avoid over-concentration on a hypothetical negative future that most likely never will be.
Mindfulness, the Antidote
The Buddhists have known for thousands of years that all suffering is borne of expectation. Arthur Schopenhauer, the 19th century philosopher, had much to say on the letting go of expectations as being the key to happiness. You risk fear and resentment when you expect anything of anyone at any time. Seriously. Yes. I mean that.
If you can let go of any and all expectations, you can be happy. Now. Here. Today.
I tell those that I work with that there is only 1 exception I can think of to this rule: employees. I can expect things from them, because I pay them to solve (a) problem(s) for me. If they don’t perform, I don’t have to be afraid or become angry. I address it with them, and if sufficient improvement isn’t forthcoming, I find a suitable replacement. Simple.
But everyone else? I can’t afford to expect anything of anyone, anywhere, at any time. The cost is just too great.
Who am I?
My name is Marc Spinoza, and I am an escort/Sacred Intimate in the Greater Toronto Area. I offer Experiential Intimacy Coaching and escort services from my home base in Mississauga. I also do outcalls in the GTA and beyond. The platform I work off is erotic massage, to build connection and intimacy with those I work with.
If you’d like to explore how to use mindfulness to overcome fear, I’d love to help. Perhaps you’ve been questioning it, and a session with me might help give you the perspective you’re looking for. I offer a relaxing, sensual environment that might just be exactly what you need to open yourself up to a new perspective!
If you think you might like to learn more about what I do and how I do it, I invite you to reach out to me at www.marcspinozamassage.com/contact, or at firstname.lastname@example.org. Alternately you can call/text me at 647-703-9515. I’d love to hear from you!