Freedom versus Responsibility
“I Want to be Free!”
Well, you can be! It doesn’t matter if your circumstances aren’t what you’d like them to be. Perhaps your job isn’t one you particularly like. Or the relationship you’re in isn’t what you want. Or, maybe, someone is bothering you. It doesn’t matter. Personal freedom begins with you, how you react to people, places, things and situations, and how YOU choose to interact with them.
Two key concepts in guaranteeing personal freedom in any given situation are responsibility and acceptance. If I can learn – and accept – that, in most cases, anything that happens to me, happens with my permission, then I can say I am taking responsibility for myself. There are, of course, cases where I don’t have the ability to change what happens to me (sickness is an example), but in these cases I take responsibility for myself by choosing to accept what is.
Acceptance often requires grieving the loss of something I wanted, or grieving the acquisition of something that I didn’t want.
So, do you want to be free? Then, as a first exercise, take responsibility for your reaction to all the people, places and things in your life.
“They did it to me!!! It’s their fault I’m this way!”
Nope. No, it isn’t. You choose your reaction to whatever it is people say or do, and your current state is the result of that reaction, and nothing more. “They” can’t do anything to you that you don’t give them permission to. Even if you don’t have the power to stop whatever it is they say or do, you can choose your reaction to it. You can ALWAYS choose your reaction.
“They made me so mad!” People say this to me a lot. But nobody can “make” you “so mad.” You choose a reaction of disproportionate anger. Sure, anger is a valid emotion and “happens” to us when we are wronged. But we can choose how we express it. We can count to ten and breathe before we respond, or we can “react,” and spray all over everyone in our immediate vicinity as a scared skunk might. Which, do you think, is the better reaction?
You. Choose. Your. Reaction. To. Every. Situation.
Take responsibility for that. The more responsibility you take, the freer you will become. This may seem to be paradoxical, but it isn’t. Freedom and responsibility are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other.
So, What Do I Do?
Take responsibility for all of your actions in life. Recognize that it is your life, and that nobody else can live it but you. Make your own decisions. Ask for guidance from trusted mentors, if need be, but in the end, make your own decisions. Don’t ask others to make them for you.
Own the consequences of those decisions. Never try to fall back on blaming others for choices you made. If your decisions turned out well, then celebrate that! If they turned out poorly, then do what you can to rectify the situation. If you harmed someone in the process of executing your decision, then be sure to make amends: make things right. That’s taking responsibility.
Set boundaries with the tyrants in your life. No longer should you let people dictate what you ought to do, what you ought to think, or how you ought to act. I’ll blog soon on how to set boundaries, but in the meantime, here’s a quick process for ensuring you are taking care of yourself:
1.Tell people how you feel when they act inappropriately towards you. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel xxxx, when you do yyyy.” Don’t tell them what they do wrong, only explain how their actions affect you.
2.Tell them what behaviour you need from them in the future. Be clear, and don’t shy away from saying what you really need. If someone is giving you unsolicited advice, for example, tell them that you need them to not give you advice unless you ask for their opinion.
Not everyone will agree to what you tell them you need. You must have decided, in advance, on consequences should they choose to not respect your needs. Don’t offer consequences, however, unless you’re willing to reinforce them. These consequences can be up to removing people from your life for a time, or permanently, by the way. You have the right to do that.
Finally, stop doing for others what they can do for themselves. If you continue to do for them what they could easily do themselves, you make their inability to do it permanent. You’ll find you have much more time on your hands when you start taking care of yourself, rather than running around taking care of others.
Well, wait, watch and see! If you do the things I am suggesting, you’ll start to feel lighter, less pressured. You’ll begin to like yourself more, because, by taking care of yourself in the way I’ve suggested above, you’ll be telling yourself that you’re worth it!
You will start to feel freer. Free to do the things you want to do. Free to say no when you don’t want to do something (and, FYI, “No” is a complete sentence. As a friend said to me recently, if “Yes” doesn’t require an explanation, then neither should “No.” I liked that). You’ll feel freer to just be who you really are.
But this all starts with you taking responsibility for it all.
Who am I?
I offer my erotic massage services to those living in Toronto, Mississauga, Etobicoke, Brampton, Oakville, Burlington, Hamilton, Stoney Creek, Caledon, Scarborough and beyond. You can come to me, or I to you, it’s your call!
If you need help learning how to become freer, I’m here to help! Come for a session with me, and we can include a discussion on how to integrate the concepts I’ve talked about here in to your life. Erotic Massage , Sensate Therapy or Pillow Talk are all excellent forums for talking out these issues. It can be a real “wholistic” healing experience!