This is a title from a book by John Powell, S.J. Father Powell recognizes that rejection is something we all fear. He argues, however, that we mature as we overcome the fear of rejection: we do this by communicating our truth, and who we really are, to others.
Of course, we need to choose people who are safe, that goes without saying. But how many of us have even one person in our lives that we do that with? Very few, I’m willing to bet.
Are you afraid to show who you really are to those closest to you? Are you afraid to be vulnerable?
Vulnerability is the Key to Connection
I can only connect with people to the extent I’m willing to become vulnerable with them. I must be able to put myself out there, to tell someone who I really am, if connecting with them is truly important to me.
True connection also requires honesty. I must be honest in what I say and what I do, and I also must have integrity: say what I mean, mean what I say, and do what I say I will. Only then can others begin to have enough faith in me to be willing to connect at a deeper level.
Vulnerability is the key, however. Before I can be honest, or walk with integrity, I must be willing to expose myself to another. I “put myself out there,” risk being rejected, by taking the courageous path of self-revelation.
Choose Your Friends and Partners Wisely!
Of course, I can’t reveal myself to everyone at depth: there is such a thing as over-sharing. People need to earn my faith in them…I’m not going to risk exposing myself to everyone. But once they’ve earned my faith, I need to then act, and – if I want a deeper relationship with them – I need to share who I really am.
My mistake, all my life, was not sharing myself – at the deepest levels –with those who had earned the right to experience me being vulnerable with them. The day came when that had to change, and when it did, my relationships grew to the next level.
So, why are YOU afraid to tell at least one person who you REALLY are? It’s worth thinking about.
What’s the Worst That Can Happen?
I find that answering this question helps, when I find myself reticent to share with someone who deserves to experience the real me.
“What’s the worst that can happen, if I tell them what I’m really thinking/feeling?” Answer honestly, and then ask yourself “How important is it?” if they react negatively?
It may carry grave consequences, so you may need to be careful. But maybe not. I’d bet that, most often, if a person has shown themselves worthy of our confidence, your answer will be “Not really that important at all.”
How Do We Know Who to Share With?
You make a list of what you need in a friend/partner. You list out the “must have’s,” and anyone in your life who meets those characteristics is most likely safe to share with.
The only time we don’t feel safe is with those who don’t have all our “must have’s.” I feel safe with someone when they show that they have all the characteristics I need in a friend/partner/lover.
That’s the starting point. Then I get to know them, and let them prove themselves, that I can have enough faith they won’t use what I share with them against me. When I have enough faith, I take a chance, become vulnerable, and share with them who I really am.
Simple, but not necessarily easy. Really scary. But your relationships will benefit from you being willing to be courageous enough to share who you really are with a trusted friend.
Who am I?
My name is Marc Spinoza, and I am an escort/Sacred Intimate in the Greater Toronto Area. I offer Experiential Intimacy Coaching and escort services from my home base in Mississauga. I also do outcalls in the GTA and beyond. The platform I work off is erotic massage, to build connection and intimacy with those I work with.
If you think you might like to learn more about what I do and how I do it, I invite you to reach out to me at www.marcspinozamassage.com/contact, or at firstname.lastname@example.org. Alternately you can call/text me at 647-703-9515. I’d love to hear from you!