No…No You Wouldn’t
How many have I worked with who repeatedly choose unhealthy partnerships, or who choose to remain in them? I can’t count. It happens all the time. They usually claim this: “I’d rather be with someone, rather than be by myself.”
Below are a few things to consider when evaluating why I – or someone else – might want to “settle” for less than what we deserve:
A willingness to settle for a dysfunctional relationship indicates a lack of love for self. When I’m not able to be with alone with myself, it’s often because I don’t like me. I will never attract the partner of my dreams until I am crazy about me, just the way I am. If I don’t like me, it means I devalue myself, and that’s what I’m therefore putting out in the universe. That means that I’ll attract people who devalue me as well. I can’t afford to do that. You can’t either.
People often “settle” because of an upbringing where healthy relationships were never demonstrated. If I’ve never seen what a functional, healthy relationship looks like, how can I possibly know what to choose? And, if I’ve never experienced a healthy partnership, what do I have to compare my current relationship to? Nothing.
In my opinion, once someone has been in a healthy, functional union, they’ll be much less likely to accept anything less in the future. But for now, they “Don’t Know What They Don’t Know.” They literally don’t know what they’re missing, so they choose far below what they deserve.
Then there’s what I like to call the “Chaos Factor.” People who grew up in a turbulent – possibly abusive – environment tend to only know one thing: chaos. They continue to seek it out, because it’s the only thing that makes sense to them. It’s familiar, and a quiet, normal life is just “boring” or “no fun.” What chaos really does for me, however, is to distract me from focusing on me, my own needs and my own development. And this works well for me if I already have a low sense of self-esteem.
Unhealthy relationships are just another way of continuing the chaos. And you don’t need it. So, no…no you wouldn’t rather be with anyone rather than being alone. You really wouldn’t. If you knew what was really available to you, you’d run as fast as you could from the inevitable pain and suffering.
Who am I?
My name is Marc Spinoza, and I’m an erotic masseur in the Greater Toronto Area. I offer incall services in my private townhome in Mississauga, a suburb of Toronto. I also offer outcall services, and have an entire kit that I travel with, should you wish for me to come visit you.
I offer a sensual and erotic massage experience that you will not soon forget. I also offer “Sensate Therapy,” which is non-sexual touch designed to get you in touch with your body, to help you to reconnect to it. Reconnecting to your body is a crucial step in learning to love it.
What to Do?
The first thing – and the hardest thing – is to make a commitment to be alone for a while. Be by yourself, learn how to enjoy your own company.
Believe me, I know it won’t be easy. What I hear most often about this suggestion is “I hate being alone.” Well, again, that’s probably because you don’t like yourself very much, and being alone with someone you don’t like is never any fun.
At base, then, you need to learn how to love yourself. This will happen when you learn to forge healthy relationships – non-romantic relationships, with members of the gender that you are not romantically/sexually attracted to. These relationships will demonstrate to you that you are worth something, that someone wants to be with you for reasons other than sex, or for personal gain. When you find a relationship like this, you learn that you are worthy of love, and that you deserve to be loved and treated well.
Next, you may want to enlist help in the form of Psychotherapy (individual or group therapy are both options), Yoga Therapy, physical fitness training (i.e. group classes at the gym or with a personal trainer), Life Coaching, or the like. Reaching out and asking for help may be the key that unlocks the door to a new you who loves you just the way you are. Remember, that’s the key to attracting the right romantic partner. You love yourself first, and you won’t settle for just anyone. You’ll meet the person of your dreams.
What if I Never Find Someone?
Chances are that won’t happen, but if it does, guess what? Once you’ve learned to love yourself – to be absolutely, entirely and completely crazy about yourself – it won’t much matter. Really. It won’t. Why? Because you’ll have become your own best friend, and you’ll be surrounded by healthy, well-adjusted people who refresh you and light you up. Life will be good, and you’ll no longer “need” someone.
Needing someone means you believe that you’re incomplete as you are. That somehow, you’re half a person, and you need another person to make you whole. No way! Two people don’t come together to make each other whole. That suggests that they aren’t whole before coming together, and that’s a recipe for disaster.
Instead, two whole people come together to become a couple, individuals within a union, who each have an identity, and their own purpose in life. They enhance each other’s lives, without intruding on them. They build each other up, each with an attitude of giving to the other, which is an attitude of true love.
You’ll be ok if you never find “the one.” You’ll be more than ok: you’ll be great. Believe it.
What Do I Do in the Meantime?
While you’re taking some time for yourself, learning to love you, why not come for an erotic massage? It’s an awesome stress reliever, and a great way to learn to let go while someone touches you sensually without expectation or judgment.
Hope to see you soon!