A “Premeditated Resentment”
A mentor of mine once told me that an expectation is nothing more than a premeditated resentment. In other words, if I choose to expect something from somebody, eventually I’ll cop a resentment.
Why is this?
Because, at some point, someone is going to behave in such a way as to fall short of my expectation(s). Inevitably that will bother me, and unless they do what it is I expect them to do, I’ll be mad at them for it.
It’s my mother who taught me the key to serenity. She said this: “I have no expectations of anyone, anywhere, at any time. If people give me something, that’s a bonus. If not, well then, nothing lost.”
How right she is.
She learned this from her mother, unfortunately. Chuck Chamberlain once said that “Everyone is my teacher. Some teaching me what to do, some teaching me what NOT to do.” My mother’s mother expected too much from her daughter. So much that my mother could never please her. No matter what she did, it was never enough.
Mom decided that was no way to live, and she was right. From her mother’s example she learned what NOT to do.
But Can’t I Expect Things from my Wife/Husband/Father/Mother/Sister/Brother/Child(ren)?
Yes, I suppose you can, but again, it’s at the risk of getting a resentment when others don’t act the way you think they should. And they will eventually do just that. Nobody is perfect, and nobody ever does things the way we want them to all the time. We’re all individuals, and nobody likes to be told what to do. That goes for them as much as it goes for us.
I say it this way. Unless the person is an employee of yours, you really can’t afford to place expectations on them. Employees are easy because ultimately, if they don’t meet your needs, you can replace them. You’re paying them, so of course you can expect certain things from them.
But anyone else? Good luck with that!
So, What to Do?
The key is to try to surround ourselves with people who best meet our needs, and who are most likely to respect our boundaries. This is easy enough to do with friends and employees, of course, but family, well, that’s a different story.
Then the issue becomes boundary-setting: with us! We must let go of the idea that anyone owes us anything. We choose to set a firm boundary around expecting: we choose, daily, to let go of the right to receive from others what we think we are owed.
We become self-sufficient, and rather than expecting, we choose to be grateful when someone does do something for us.
We also always have a backup plan in place, in case someone doesn’t do what we hoped they would. Ah, there’s a good distinction. We can hope that people will act in a certain way, but to expect it will cause headaches and heartache eventually.
Life is so much easier this way. And happier. Trust me: my grandmother was miserable and would have done so much better had she let go of her expectations.
Who Am I?
My name is Marc Spinoza, and I’m an erotic masseur in the Greater Toronto Area. I am a sensual masseur, offering incall services in my private town home in Mississauga, a suburb of Toronto. I also offer outcall services, and have an entire kit that I travel with, should you wish for me to come visit you.
I also offer full escort services to women and couples. If you live in Hamilton, Burlington, Oakville, Mississauga, Brampton, Etobicoke, or anywhere in the GTA and beyond, I am available to host you, or to come to you.
I offer a sensual and erotic massage experience that you won’t soon forget. I also offer “Sensate Therapy,” which is non-sexual touch designed to get you in touch with your body, to help you to learn how to connect with you as you are. This helps with self-acceptance, a problem many often face.
Perhaps people in your life aren’t meeting your expectations, and you need a space to come to where you can just “be.” I can offer you that. I can also help you, as you experience my expert erotic touch, process how to best leave your expectations behind.
Serenity is Inversely Proportional to Your Level of Expectation
Leave it behind. Let it go. Stop wanting others to do things your way. Stop believing that you’ll be happy only if others behave the way you want them to. If that’s your belief, then – pardon my crassness – you’re screwed!
You can’t control them.
But you can control your reaction to them. If you choose to leave expectations behind and release others from your judgment, you’ll be on the road to enlightenment.
How to Get a Hold of Me
Come and let me pamper you. I want to hold a space for you where you can let all expectations go, and just be. It may be just what you need to begin to be able to see just how wonderful a life without expecting is!