I’m sometimes prone to depressive thinking. It’s just a part of who I am. When it happens, I have a lot of trouble finding the motivation needed to get things done. Sometimes, just getting out of bed is a monumental task.
How do I get out of it?
Time helps. Supportive friends help. Getting enough sleep, good nutrition, and taking time for me helps. But one thing that helps, and is quite counter-intuitive, is the notion of AIMING HIGH: set BIG GOALS and get about the business of reaching them.
No doubt that sounds super overwhelming to you who might be struggling with anxiety or depression. I’m going to ask you to reserve judgment for just a bit and hear what I have to say. I think, when I’m done, you’ll agree that it makes sense.
Set the Goal, Forget the Goal
Jeff Haden, author of “The Motivation Myth,” explains that we most often don’t achieve our goals because we don’t plan for them. We make lofty claims about what we will and will not accomplish, but never create the process needed to get us there.
This past December I took some time to make some plans for myself, what the next 5 years of my life will look like. I created a personal Mission/Vision/Values Statement, and then a plan including personal, career and family-oriented goals. So, I knew what I wanted my life to look like at year 5.
Then I backed that up to see where I would have to be at the end of year 4, year 3, year 2, and year 1 in order to achieve those goals. Next, I looked at the current year, and divided it up into its 4 quarters, seeing where I would have to be at the end of each quarter to reach my year 1 goals. I broke Q1 down into months, and the months into weeks, and now I have a weekly plan I can follow that’s designed to get me to my targets.
Each quarter, I will re-evaluate, set up my quarter, and come up with a monthly and weekly plan to reach my quarterly goals.
So, here’s the formula, according to Jeff Haden:
1. Set big goals
2 Create a plan/process to reach the goals; and
3. Then FORGET the goals, and focus on the process
But how does this help me overcome anxiety? Or, how can I get motivated, during a depressive episode, to be productive and refocus my attention to the happier things?
It’s About the Process
Once you’ve set your goal, make sure your process is doable. You can have lofty goals but create a process that’s specific enough, so you know what your next step is, but easy enough that the steps are doable. Create tiny little bite-sized chunks of things to do, things that don’t require much effort. As Haden says in his book, when we accomplish even the smallest of things, we then feel motivated to do just a bit more. And that creates motivation for more, and on, and on, and on.
Motivation, he says, is a myth. We get into action (and we do this by taking baby steps, outlined in our process), and the motivation follows.
So, the right process will go a long way to keeping us busy enough, and productive enough, that maybe life doesn’t seem so hard.
Will This Always Work?
Nope. Not by a long shot. Perhaps you struggle with Major Depressive Disorder? Generalized Anxiety Disorder? Bipolar Disorder? Borderline Personality Disorder? Acute Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? These will most likely require supporting therapy and possibly medication. The notion that we can just create a 5-year plan and a process that will set us up to overcome conditions like these is untrue.
But, once stabilized, I can then set my goals, create my plan, and forget my goals. We who tend towards depression or anxiety are just more prone to it, whether we have the right supports in place. Goal setting and process-creating are powerful tools we can use to support the other things we are doing to help ourselves.
Who am I?
My name is Marc Spinoza, and I am an male escort/Sacred Intimate in the Greater Toronto Area. I offer Experiential Intimacy Coaching and escort services from my home base in Mississauga. I also do outcalls in the GTA and beyond. The platform I work off is erotic massage, to build connection and intimacy with those I work with.
If anxiety or depression is something you struggle with, maybe spending some time with me might help. Goal-setting and process-making aside, perhaps you just need some time away to be pampered, taken care of. I’m your guy.
If you think you might like to learn more about what I do and how I do it, I invite you to reach out to me at www.marcspinozamassage.com/contact, or at firstname.lastname@example.org. Alternately you can call/text me at 647-703-9515. I’d love to hear from you!