And they lived happily ever after
Actually, they didn’t. No couple ever has. All relationships that remained strong to the end took work. They required compromise. They required effort from BOTH partners. They required communication. And they needed to be replete with boundaries; set by both partners, and respected by both partners.
Sometimes things went well, and sometimes they didn’t. At times it looked like the happy couple might finish their years rocking on their porch swing, sipping lemonade together, and talking about the old days. Still at some other times, it looked like they might not make it.
Are Fairy Tales Real?
Recently a friend of mine told me they believe in fairy tales. I thought long and hard on this before deciding to blog about it. I need to say unequivocally that I most certainly do not believe in fairy tales. Nobody – and I repeat, nobody – ever lives a fairy tale life. There is no such thing as “happily ever after.”
Life can be hard. Even the best of lives (and believe me I think I have an AWESOME one) comes with challenges. When two lives intersect, it’s inevitable that the coupleship will face challenges, and this is in addition to the challenges each will face as individuals! To think that it will all have a fairy-tale ending is not just unrealistic, it’s dangerous. Why? Because I risk trying to make the fairy tale come true at all costs, rather than facing what’s really in front of me.
Let me be blunt: I see many, many people doing this. They stay in relationships far too long, allowing themselves to be taken advantage of, and often abused – sometimes mentally, emotionally or verbally, sometimes physically or sexually. IT’S NOT WORTH IT! Trying to hold on to a fairy tale ending that will never be, at the expense of our personal safety, is most dangerous indeed!
Am I a Pessimist?
Not a bit! I believe in magic! I believe in miracles! Things happen all the time in this world that are amazing! At times downright remarkable! As one who believes in Higher Power, and that the universe operates according to a Higher Purpose, I believe in life, love and the pursuit of happiness.
But I also believe in reality. If I were to say that I believe in a fairy tale life, then I’m setting myself up for failure. It risks me ignoring my needs, in order to maintain the façade of a perfect relationship. It risks me not being willing to set – and maintain – the boundaries I need to get what’s necessary for me to be happy in this world. It risks me allowing the other to mistreat – even to abuse – me just so I can hold on to an idea that doesn’t even exist.
And isn’t that the problem with fairy tales? They’re just an idea – they aren’t real. I’ve learned that It’s only when I live in the real world that I can be truly happy.
Living Life on Life’s Terms
So, what am I saying? Am I saying there’s no such thing as a happy and contented relationship? Not at all. I know several couples who are living out an awesome coupleship together. But I’ll be honest, I know many more who aren’t. And that makes me sad. Why aren’t they?
Because they settle for less than they deserve.
Because they have a mental list of things they need from a partner, but they don’t believe they have the right to insist on someone who meets Every. Single. Item.
Because they live in a false hope that “things will get better,” or that “s/he will change.” Let me be clear, chances are they won’t.
What you see is what you get.
What is, is. I can’t change that. I must live according the cards that life has dealt me. For relationships, that means that I am going to have to do a few simple things if I’m going to be happy, if my partner is going to be happy, and if the relationship is to be a good one.
What Makes a Good Relationship?
A relationship in which both partners have solid boundaries that they maintain simultaneously with both love and firmness. This means that, should one partner continually prove themselves to not be willing to respect boundaries, the other would be willing to end the coupleship, if all else failed.
A relationship in which both partners have a clear idea of traits that the other MUST have in order to meet their needs. Neither partner can afford to be willing to compromise on any of them. No, this is not being too picky, nor is it a pipe dream. I can’t expect the other to be perfect, but neither can I ever afford to waiver on my needs. This means that, should I not find someone who meets all my needs, I would choose to be alone rather than settle. Why? Because if I settle for someone who lacks what I need, I will resent them for it eventually, or worse, spend my energy trying to change them. That’s a sure recipe for unhappiness.
A relationship in which both people are excellent communicators.
A relationship in which both are focused on on being present and available to each other, without losing sight of the need to take care of themselves first; and
A relationship in which both live in the reality of what the coupleship is, while simultaneously seeing what it is not. This means they let go of any ideas that they will find some idyllically perfect union where nary a problem nor concern arises. Instead, they realize that it will take work, and that challenges will come, but that it will be worth it.
No Fairy Tales Here
Those in solid relationships know that it will not be “happily ever after,” without hard work and compromise.
They also know that life together can be pretty darned amazing, if both are willing to work at it.
I don’t like the term “happily ever after.” I prefer to believe in the possibility of a lasting contentment that can come about as a result of hard work. As mentioned above, the relationship’s foundation must be built on respect, boundaries, and a focus on the other WHILE making sure I’m taking care of myself as a first priority.
Who Am I?
My name is Marc Spinoza, and I’m an erotic masseur in the Greater Toronto Area. I am a sensual masseur, offering incall services in my private townhome in Mississauga, a suburb of Toronto. I also offer outcall services, and have an entire kit that I travel with, should you wish for me to come visit you.
I also offer full escort services to women and couples. If you live in Hamilton, Burlington, Oakville, Mississauga, Brampton, Etobicoke, or anywhere in the GTA and beyond, I can service your needs. I can come to you, or you can come to me.
I offer a sensual and erotic massage experience that you will not soon forget. I also offer “Sensate Therapy,” which is non-sexual touch designed to get you in touch with your body, to help you to learn how to connect with you as you are. This helps with self-acceptance, a problem many often face.
Are You Still Stuck on Fairy Tales?
There is no such thing as a long-term “happily ever after” fairy tale. But you can live one temporarily if you like, if even for just an hour or two .
Why not reach out, and see how I can create for you your own personal fairy tale that satisfies your craving for connection, delight and contentment? Isn’t that really what we’re all looking for?
I can promise that the experience will be unforgettable. It just may be the thing you need to give yourself a break from the daily grind.
I look forward to hearing from you!